I have to apologize for how long it has been since I have posted, but the boys keep me busy and tired. I have a rare moment where both of them are napping at the same time and decided to reflect back on this past year. I am amazed by how God has refined me by fire and my reaction to the trials that have come this past year. At one time in my life I lived in fear, not trusting my life into God’s hands and trying to control the world around me. Such a heavy burden to carry when there is no way I could control every aspect of life… our emotions, our health, our safety, ect. Upon hitting my emotional bottom a few years ago, God taught me to lay it all into His hands and give up control. By doing so I found freedom and peace. I feel this past year was a true test to see if I really had surrendered, if I was actually trusting God with my life, my husband’s career, and my children’s health.
Faith means to have complete trust without question. It is so easy to want to question… Why did I have HELLP Syndrome? Why do I have to make the tough decision of whether or not to get pregnant again? Why me? I’ve been honest with God and have asked Him these questions, but I have also accepted the answers. God sees the big picture in my life and knows the woman I will become having gone through these trials. My relationship with Him will be stronger than I could imagine and I will learn what it means to trust. As Ben Franklin said, ” Nothing is certain except death and taxes.” I will die someday and it is best to be ready… besides, I already pay my taxes. There is no guarantee for a perfect life, free from heartache, pain, and tears because that is the world we live in. Corrupted by sin… my own and others. But I know that my real home lies in heaven, where life will be perfect. Until then I must live by faith, trusting that God will see me through this life and by His Son Jesus’ sacrifice, I am made holy enough to enter into God’s presence. Thankfully He has blessed me to experience joy while here and grants me peace during the difficult times. Matt, Levi, and Asher are my joys and I am blessed to be Matt’s wife and the boys’ mother. This is a very happy new year indeed!
“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire test and purifies gold – though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” 1 Peter 1:6-7