Last night was a rough night for Levi. We have had a lot of transitions in the last week: a long drive, a new home, a new “big boy” bed, Pops and Grandma staying with us, excitement of having friends with 2 little boys visit, and being away from Bubba and Gigi (whom we’ve lived with for the last 2 months). Overall, Levi has done great and I’ve been very proud of him.
The last few nights, Levi has been waking up twice a night for milk. Dry run for Mama before the baby comes. But with each passing night, his dependence on my presence has become stronger. It’s always around 1 and 4 am. Last night was the worst! I initially got up with him but quickly developed a headache and a bit of an upset stomach due to being exhausted. Matt took over and Levi grew extremely upset, crying and yelling for Mama. I’ve never heard him like this, especially with his daddy around, whom he adores.
As I laid in bed listening to my son crying, my heart just broke for him. I began to think about HELLP syndrome. What am I doing putting my life at risk? Levi needs me. What if he has to grow up without me? How could I be doing this to him and to Matt? I said a prayer in the midst of my aching heart and negative thinking. And God changed me. Suddenly a recent memory came to mind. The thought of Levi playing with our friends two little boys, ages 5 and 2 1/2. Levi thrived having companions in his house, he shared his toys well, and enjoyed just running around and playing with them. I hadn’t seen him so happy and excited in his own home. Levi needs a brother. He needs a companion to grow up with and share life experiences with and God is providing that for him through me. One very rough night shouldn’t steal the joy I have in this pregnancy and the faith I have knowing that God will see me through. Today Levi and I spent the entire morning together, just us. We ran errands and went out for lunch. It was perfect and I am blessed to having this precious boy in my life. Our difficult nights will also pass and we will get through this as well. Tonight is another night, tomorrow is another day.