15 1/2 Weeks

I am 15 1/2 weeks.  Personally significant because it was the half way mark in my pregnancy with Levi.  Of course I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I am very much aware of the possibility of not carrying the baby full term.  It has caused me to want to search for ways to prevent preeclampsia from even developing in the first place.  Browsing the internet leads to no answers.  I find sites that say to follow a certain diet and other sites that say that the same diet doesn’t produce results.  Taking aspirin and vitamin D are also suggested but my doctor has not recommended for me to do either.  By all accounts I appear to be very healthy, the same appearance I had in my first pregnancy.  Even with my doctor’s close monitoring and knowing that there is NOTHING that I can do to prevent preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome, my inner nature wants to solve this problem.

As my spirit yells “What can I do?, ” a still small voice whispers “Give me your problem, I am the solution.”  Thankfully my desire to solve and prevent is short-lived and peace fills me once again.  God is my solution.  Yes, He allowed me to experience HELLP syndrome, but look at the woman and mother I have become because of it.  I have confidence that He will carry me and my baby through the storms in life and that we can and will endure because of Him.  Once again I am more dependent on Him and less dependent on taking care of it myself.  Why do I want to do it myself anyway, when it is so much easier to surrender my life into His care?  I’m grateful that I am reminded of these truths and that I do not need to live in fear, search for solutions, and try to prevent the unpreventable.  Serenity is peace within the storm and I am blessed with that peace.  It seems that God may already be planning some other curve balls thrown at our family, but I am choosing to look at them as an adventure and trust that God will work out the details and show us the path He wants us to follow.  It really does shock me that I can have this attitude and face other big life moments in the midst of a high risk pregnancy.  Definitely a peace beyond my understanding!

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3 thoughts on “15 1/2 Weeks

  1. Lyndsey says:

    You are such a strong and amazing woman, Amanda…thank you for sharing your story!!! I’m proud of you for pushing past your fears and embracing this experience…you will do great!!!

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